


memories of days long gone.

by park97



Category: Original Work
Genre: Happy Ending, I dont know how to tag, Loss, Memories, Original work - Freeform, kinda angsty ig, look i was half awake while writing this, no beta we die like my concentration span 1 second into doing homework, so please dont judge too harshly lol, the characters genders are ambiguous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27384994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/park97/pseuds/park97
Summary: Human lives are so short. Some, knowing that, live frantically, chasing after desires and dreams, always trying to push forward, running until they’re breathless and then some. Some live them wastefully, never quite understanding the true meaning until it’s gone.I never understood how much yours meant to me until it was gone.
Kudos: 2





	memories of days long gone.

**Author's Note:**

> TW: really slight mention of suicide (it's not graphic and it's kinda really vague but it's there)
> 
> i hope you enjoy my "procrastination from schoolwork and im tired and i have no idea what im writing anymore"- fueled idea!!

I still remember those hazy summer days. 

Popsicles melting off wooden sticks held in sticky hands, the almost unbearable heat beating down on us, huddling near the air conditioning as if our lives depended on it. 

Our secret fort, hidden away in the trees, where we’d spend many a day hiding in the shade, talking and laughing together, just two kids having fun together.

I miss the you of those days. When did we become so distant? Was it you or I who changed first?

Or perhaps we had always been changing, desperately clinging on to each other despite the rifts caused by those changes, until it became too much and our fragile sense of peace shattered.

Either way, if you see this… I’m sorry. It’s already too late, I know, and there’s no way you could possibly see this, but I wanted to say it all the same.

It all started back on that day, didn’t it?

When I try to remember, it feels so bitter, so wrong, and yet, it was such a simple ending. We grew up and simply just drifted away like so many do. You buried yourself in studies, while I buried myself in art. We just didn’t have enough time for each other.

…No, that’s an excuse. I should’ve reached out the second I had the suspicion of it being too much for you. I should’ve been a better friend. I had so many chances, and yet, I didn’t do anything.

I didn’t do **anything** _._

It should be too late to feel regret, but it’s sucking me in and under like a whirlpool. Why didn’t I do anything while I still had the chance? Why didn’t I help you before it all happened? Why…

Why did you have to die like that?

-

It was autumn, your favorite season. The leaves were colored in vivid warm colors, falling from the trees. We still clung onto our friendship like a raggedy old blanket, believing it could shelter us from the bitter cold of the world.

The fallen leaves crunched under our feet, the slight cold nipping at our faces, not quite unbearable yet. Your hair was being tousled by the wind as the sun threw tints and shades onto it.

“…alive…”

I sped up to try and get closer to you so that I could hear better. “Huh? What did you say?”

Abruptly, you stopped walking and turned around, eyes dead serious. “I said, what would you do if this was your last day alive?”

_What a weird question._

Looking back, I’m ashamed to say that’s what I thought first. Maybe if I had picked up on the pain hidden in the depths of your eyes, I could’ve saved you that day.

“Well,” I paused, mulling it over a bit in my mind. “I guess if it was my last day alive, I’d want to spend it with family and friends, do the things I’d always wanted to do before. Why?”

You shook your head and smiled- looking back, it was probably forced. “No reason.”

I wouldn’t learn the true nature behind that question for another few hours.

-

Human lives are so short. Some, knowing that, live frantically, chasing after desires and dreams, always trying to push forward, running until they’re breathless and then some. Some live them wastefully, never quite understanding the true meaning until it’s gone.

I never understood how much yours meant to me until it was gone.

-

With a smile and a “thank you for everything up till now”, you were gone in the blink of an eye.

It felt wrong, sickeningly wrong. You couldn’t be gone, you shouldn’t be gone! I should’ve been better, should’ve been there, should’ve seen when the burdens became too much for you to bear. My own inadequacy started to tear me apart.

-

I found a letter from you later, begging me not to follow your footsteps, not to give up, to keep living on despite it all. You begged me to never forget you.

So I didn’t, and I won’t.

No matter how distant we had become, you were always a very important part of me, always will be. I’ll always remember the days we spent together, no matter what. It was hard at first, and I wanted so badly to just fade away and follow you, but I know you wouldn’t want that.

So here I am. It’s been a year since you left and each passing day still feels strange without you. But I’m not really without you, I know. You’ll live on in my memories and heart, forever smiling like a bright summer day.

-

Sometimes, it hurts to hold onto memories. When someone leaves, sometimes it just hurts so bad to remember the times from when they were still there.

But, even though it may hurt to hold onto the memories, I think it would hurt more to let go and pretend nothing ever happened. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I might have wished, I couldn’t ever do that. I feel it would disrespect the memories we made.

So, I refuse to let go of memories of you, of us. I will live, strengthened by the memories we made. I promise I’ll carry on your legacy, so just watch over me with that warm smile of yours.

Let’s meet again someday in the future and become friends again. Until then, wait for me, okay?

-

_End._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> you can follow my tumblr @monstar-dreams.tumblr.com , where i mostly post art and reblog random stuff!! (although im not thaaaat active anymore)  
> also, sorry for the weird spacing- i still am not fixing that very well, huh?


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